I received 100 calls a day from strangers after revenge porn

Anna*, 23, tells The Mix how her ex uploaded her naked photos to a porn site along with her phone number...

True Stories

"I felt sick, mortified and so, so angry."

Jake* and I split up in 2015 after two years together. It was a pretty nasty break-up so the naked photos he had of me on his phone were the last thing on my mind. I wasn’t really into him sending naked photos of himself – dick pics never really ‘did it’ for me – so it was always a one-way street. But that was agreed. It was consensual.

I asked him to delete the photos

A few weeks after we broke up, I remembered these photos and texted Jake to ask him to delete them. He told me not to worry about it, he’d already deleted everything. I was suspicious, but thought I was being paranoid. I couldn’t accuse him of anything.

Over 100 people a day started ringing me

A few weeks later, the harassment started. I was receiving about 80 texts a day from strangers, and over 100 calls. I never answered any of them. The texts were really dirty so I spent most of my days painstakingly deleting and blocking these people.

I figured my number had randomly been used on some spam websites, but the calls just kept coming. The texts started getting personal, it was like they knew me, and I started to feel sick. This wasn’t right.

I decided to answer one of the calls one evening. It was a guy called Andrew*, he sounded quite old, and he laughed when I asked him where he got my number from.

“You gave it to us, sweetheart,” he said. “On your website.”

I panicked and told him I don’t have a website. He then panicked himself, gave me the URL of my so-called website and promised never to contact me again.

My ex admitted what he’d done

I couldn’t bear to check this website myself so I went to my best friend’s house and handed the URL to her.

“Holy shit” was all I heard. I peered over her shoulder as she scrolled down past photo after photo after photo. You couldn’t see my face but it was definitely my body. It didn’t even cross my mind that my best friend was seeing all these explicit photos of me – I was just thinking of all the strangers who had seen them, and what they’d done with them. I felt sick, mortified and so, so angry.

I jumped straight in my car to see Jake. I knew it was him. I shouted and cried at him on his doorstep, much to his embarrassment. But I didn’t care. He mumbled denial at first but soon admitted it was him. He clearly didn’t think it was serious – it was just a laugh – but began to look worried when I mentioned the police.

I went to the police but didn’t have a leg to stand on, apparently

Jake deleted the website, and the photos on his phone, while I was standing in front of him. I left and haven’t seen or spoken to him since.

I did go to the police but was told my report wouldn’t go far as my face was never shown, so I dropped it. I’m not sure how true this was, but as much as I wanted to fight, I just couldn’t face the stress and upset.

I’m still angry, but for other victims

I tried to keep what happened quiet. I didn’t want people trying to seek out the photos. But I recently told my sister as she’s now at an age where this could happen to her. I didn’t want to scare her, but I want her to be aware and educated.

I’m not embarrassed anymore and will do all I can to raise awareness of this happening. I’m still angry, but mostly that revenge porn still happens. I’m angry and upset for others.

Laws are changing – please don’t deal with it yourself

I’d urge other victims to not feel ashamed. It’s perfectly fine to send naked photos and videos with your consent, as long as you’re acting within the law, but that consent does not cover any wider sharing. If you’re a victim, it isn’t your fault.

If this has happened to you, try and speak to someone about it. Someone you can trust. It can be an awkward conversation but you shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own. You need and deserve support.

Laws are changing now. Revenge porn cases are taken seriously and you can press charges against someone who does this to you. But there is no one right way to act. Don’t feel pressured to go to the police; just know that the option is there and they should support you in any way they can.

*Names changed.

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