How to stop fancying a family member

What’s the score if you fall for a step-sibling or a cousin or any other family member? Whatever the in-house combo, it’s an emotionally-charged subject that is rarely discussed. Until now. Are you wondering how to stop fancying someone, or worrying the way you feel is illegal? Read on.

How to stop fancying someone

If you find yourself fancying a family member, consider turning to somebody outside the situation (a trusted friend or telephone help line) and open up to them about it first. The feelings won’t go away overnight, but you’ll find that just talking through the situation will make your feelings more bearable. Hopefully, you’ll also realise that they can be overcome.

Only you can decide on the next step, of course, and much will depend on your circumstances (such as whether the other person is aware of your affections or feels the same way). If it’s a crush then be clear with yourself that it’s probably just a fantasy, and leave it at that. It won’t last long or leave you with a broken heart. In the meantime, try to focus on meeting people outside the family. Dating will definitely help you keep your mind off your crush. 

“I’m not interested in a wedding. I just can’t help these intense feelings!”

You can’t control your feelings, only how you respond to them. If you’re wondering how to stop fancying someone in your family, just think of the real life implications. Quite simply, you will always be family, which can cause untold grief should you become involved in a romance that goes wrong. Not to mention the genetic problems if you procreate. Relationships fail for all kinds of reasons, of course, and you’ll probably find that one with your family member barely lasts more than a week. Not only because of pressures from friends and family but also because of the way you guys connect. Most likely, after the initial intrigue has worn off, you’ll find you work better as relatives. 

Is it legal to keep fancying a family member?

UK marriage laws forbid a variety of unions within the immediate family, so you can rule out stepping up the aisle with your grandmother, father, brother or sister also half brothers/half sisters. Here’s a breakdown of all the relatives you’re not supposed to romance with, in case you were curious.

Technically speaking, the law can’t stop blood relatives from falling for each other. But it’s important to remember that there are significant risks of genetic birth defects should children be produced in this type of a relationship. Hopefully that fact is enough to make you stop liking your crush.

Any exceptions?

Cousins are the only genetic relations who are allowed to marry. Though culturally any kind of romantic relationship is considered unusual. It was originally illegal, until King Henry VIII changed the law to allow him to marry his own cousin. We’d strongly caution against it though because dipping into the same gene pool could lead to a whole host of problems. And even just dating can cause a tonne of awkward conversations.

What about step-relations?

If one parent remarries, you may find yourself sharing a house with their partner’s siblings, who then become your step-brother or step-sister. In a situation like this, it’s not uncommon for feelings to develop, especially if you’re close in age and share similar interests. For reference, please see Clueless. Even so, step relations can only marry in certain circumstances. So it might be time to accept that it’s not gonna happen and move on. For more info, contact the Citizen’s Advice Service.