Being a young transgender person

If you’re feeling confused about your gender, it can be an isolating time. We’re here to help you understand the different issues young transgender people face and where you can go to get the support you need.

You may be reading this because you’re feeling confused about your gender. Maybe something doesn’t feel quite ‘right’. Or maybe you’ve been experimenting with, say, wearing dresses, but you aren’t sure what that means. Perhaps you’re getting negative comments from family members, or maybe you’ve been called an upsetting word by cisgender peers and you don’t understand what it means. The Mix is here to provide some straightforward, non-judgemental sexuality and gender help.

What does transgender mean?

Nobody fits into a nice little gender box perfectly. But, usually, being trans is when you don’t feel that the sex you are assigned at birth exactly corresponds with your gender identity.

Sex is a label used by doctors at birth to decide whether you’re biologically a ‘male’ or a ‘female’ when you’re born. This is determined by your anatomy (whether you have a penis or a vagina – not everyone is born with one or the other;  some people are intersex, which you can read more about here) and the chromosomes you have. Biological sex is not the same as gender identity.

Gender is both a legal and a social status. It comes with sets of expectations from society about your characteristics, how you will behave and what you think and feel. Every culture has certain standards about the way that people should behave based on their gender.

Gender identity is how you feel as an individual about your gender and how you express that through what you wear, how you behave and your personal appearance. This is a feeling that often starts very early on in life.

A lot of people consider their gender identity to be either male or female. If the way you feel about your gender identity doesn’t seem to ‘match up’ to what you are taught to believe about your biological sex, then no wonder you feel confused.

What do all these trans terms mean? And how do I know what I am?

The language used when talking about transgender identity can be confusing. There’s lots of misinformation out there, and sometimes there’s disagreement over what terms mean. There are also lots of offensive and transphobic terms. Here’s The Mix’s guide to what you may have heard, and what it means, but the main thing to remember is that if you’re unsure which term to use to refer to someone, just ask them what they feel comfortable with.

Terms to use:

Transgender: An umbrella term, used to describe someone who presents as a different gender than their biological sex. Some trans people wish to have surgical or hormonal treatment to transition to a different gender and some don’t have any treatment at all.

Non-binary or gender fluid: Terms used to describe a spectrum of gender identities which do not conform to either masculine or feminine stereotypes and which sit outside of the gender binary.

Crossdresser/transvestite: A person who wears the clothing that is stereotypically associated with a different gender to their sex but who doesn’t want to permanently live life as a different gender. Some people may find the term transvestite outdated/offensive and some may identify with it, so it’s always best to ask about the best language to use.

Gender dysphoria: This is a medical term for feeling unhappy with your current gender (masculinity/femininity) because you feel it’s in conflict with your true identity. It might also be called gender identity disorder.

Intersex: Describes someone whose biological sex is not male or female – this may be due to genetic, hormonal or physical reasons e.g., having both male and female genitalia.

Queer: A lot of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people identify simply as queer. This was used as an offensive term for a long time, but has been reclaimed and is now used to define a cultural movement for people who feel that they do not conform to sexual and gender norms. You should still be careful when using the term though and check with the LGBTQ+ person which language they feel most comfy with.

Offensive terms:

Tranny/gender-bender: Upsetting and offensive slang, referring to someone who has changed their sex or gender identity.

Pre-op/Post-op: Why would anyone want to be defined by their surgical status?

HeShe/Shemale/Hermaphrodite – Outdated ways to define someone who displays the physical characteristics of both sexes – e.g. having a penis and breasts at the same time.

Transsexual: A former medical (and now outdated) term, describing someone who presents their non-conforming gender identity.

Getting support if you’re trans and young

Trans people are at a greater risk of depression, self-harm and suicide, but there is help out there. There are also plenty of happy trans people, too, so don’t lose hope if you’re having a tough time right now. Here are some places you can contact for help and advice:

The Queer Youth Network – online forums discussing everything LGBTQ+ related.

The Beaumont Society – offers a 24/7 information line, who can point you in the direction of the best resources for you. Their number is 01582 412220.

LGBT Youth Scotland – help young people in Scotland offer forums, a text service and a live chat service struggling with trans issues. They also have a great leaflet about coming out as trans.

The Mix – Our online community where you can chat anonymously to other young people about how you’re feeling on our message boards.

Support for young and trans people

Coming out as trans can be a tough time. The best support you can give is to try and be as understanding as possible. If you friend changes their name, the way they dress or their gender, remember they’re still them. Their sense of humour and personality won’t necessarily change too.

This article has some great information about how to support a trans person in your life.

Myths about being trans

Being trans means you’re gay

Nope – being trans is an entirely separate issue. Trans people can be straight, gay, or bisexual, just like everyone else.

You choose to be trans

Most trans people feel that they have no choice; this is just the way they are.

Being trans means you’re mentally ill

There is no evidence to suggest trans people have anything wrong with their mental health and careful checks are taken out before they’re allowed to go through medical treatments and transition.

How to support a trans friend

Coming out as trans is a tough time. The best support you can give is to try and be as understanding as possible about their gender identity and expression. If your friend changes their name, the way they dress or their gender, remember they’re still them. Their sense of humour and personality won’t necessarily change as well.