How to finger someone

There's more to fingering than shoving your fingers inside a vagina and thrusting away like a jackhammer. Learning how to finger someone involves a bit of preparation and vaginal knowledge. Here's how to finger a vagina in a way that you both will enjoy.

Vaginas are often said to be so complicated ‘down there’ that you need a map and a torch to locate anything. Let us take you by the hand and guide you in the right direction.

Get to know the vulva (and vagina)

Beaver, pussy, hoo-hah, or vag… whatever you call it, it’s made up of two Vs: vulva and vagina. The bit you see on the outside (pubes, labia, clitoris) is the vulva. It’s packed with nerve endings that enjoy being stroked, tweaked, rubbed – even pinched.

The vagina is the inside canal. The vaginal canal runs between the opening in the vulva up to the cervix and has a G-spot tucked inside. It likes being penetrated, but for most people with vaginas, penetration alone won’t result in an orgasm.

There are, however, many ways of stimulating this pleasure dome. Some people enjoy clitoral stimulation, others like having their labia touched, the outside pubic bone massaged, G-spot tapped or two or more fingers inserted into their vagina. The fun part is finding out what your partner enjoys.

How to prepare for fingering someone

Before you dive in hand first, make sure your partner is totally up for it, as not all people like to be fingered. This could be down to many reasons – a bad experience, issues with hygiene, trust and even fear. Don’t push it; respect their reasoning and let them take the lead.

Fingering works best if the other person is really turned on and wet. It can be very uncomfortable, and even painful, if they are not. They will also appreciate it if you wash your hands and trim your nails. You’re playing with a highly sensitive area that won’t respond favorably to scratches.

Get into position. Try lying parallel to your partner and reach your arm over their body until your fingers can reach their vagina. It’s essential you’re both comfortable.

Remember, everyone enjoys different things, so good communication is essential. If you’re feeling a bit nervous, just check in with your partner and ask them what they like – or better still, ask to see a demo. A show-and-tell sesh can be very sexy for both of you.

When you’re ready to finger someone

Whoa there neddy. Don’t just plunge your hands into their pants. Let them invite you in. Gently caress their inner thigh until they spread their legs.

“Work your way from the outside in. Be gentle, rub the outside of their lips before venturing into their inner folds,” says Jordan LaRousse and Samantha Sade, authors of Clit-ology: Master Every Move From A to G-spot to Give Them Ultimate Pleasure. “Go slowly and explore, gently sweep your finger along the middle of the vulva and know that most people with vaginas come from stimulation of the clitoris, not stimulation of the inside of the vagina.”

How to finger a clitoris

Packed with 8,000 nerve endings – that’s more than the entire penis – for most people with vaginas the clitoris is orgasm HQ. This little pink bean sits at the top of the vagina, protected by the clitoral hood.

To start, run your lubed finger round the outside, and then back down over the opening to their vagina. Do this several times before running your finger over the top of their clitoris. “Be gentle with the clitoris. Touch softly, and try different motions, such as a light flick, tiny circles, and very gentle pinches,” says Jordan and Samantha.

All vaginas vary in their sensitivity; work out which techniques work best then increase the pressure and movement. Be guided by your partner’s actions. Moaning is good, leg jerking isn’t. Ask them how they like it, softer? Harder? Faster? Slower? They will appreciate your attentiveness.

How to finger the inside of a vagina

Assuming you’re picking up the right vibes, push one finger inside the vagina two thirds of the way in. SLOWLY. Make sure everything is sufficiently lubricated, as inserting fingers into a dry vagina can be pretty painful.

Draw your finger in and out a few times before curling it into a ‘come here’ motion inside to find the G-spot. Located two to three inches up the vaginal canal, pointing towards the belly button, it feels different to the rest of the skin (slightly spongier), so you’ll know when you’ve found it. Rub in steady, circular motions or gently tap. Again, be guided by your partner’s actions.

If you’re not sure you’ve found it, go back to the clitoris. It’s a safer bet.

How to finger the inside and outside of the vagina

Feeling confident? If you want to blow your partner’s mind, combine two methods.

“Use the fingers of one hand to gently stimulate their clitoris as you use the fingers of the other hand to reach inside and gently stroke the G-Spot,” says Jordan and Samantha. “Ask them how they like it, they may want you to go faster, harder or slower. If they enjoy having their G-spot stroked, the simultaneous stimulation will drive them absolutely wild!”

Fingering someone can take time

While some people take a nanosecond to reach orgasm, for others it requires a bit more time. If you’ve got cramp, switch hands, try a different technique, change to oral, or go back to more foreplay. You can always use a sex toy, too.

If you’ve rubbed the same spot for ages and it’s not happening, just stop and try something else. Too much friction can actually numb the genitals. If this happens an orgasm is virtually impossible.

It’s not a disaster; it’s about trial and error. Remember, this is something you should both enjoy, not endure.