Sex injuries

So you’ve been at each other nonstop for the past few days? Honestly, we’re not surprised you’re in pain, love. Sex injuries range from carpet burns and muscle strains to banging heads on headboards. Don’t worry though, the doctor is at hand (a non-legally qualified one, that is).

Concussion

If your partner hits their head on the bedside table they may suffer temporary unconsciousness or a nasty headache. While you might think that it’s okay to take a minute and then get back to it, that’s not always the case. You should get in contact with a doctor immediately if they lose consciousness for more than a couple of minutes, vomit or have more difficulty than usual conversing with you when they come to. Wouldn’t want them to suddenly faint while you’re just about to climax – now would you?

Sex friction burns

Didn’t make it to the bedroom before you ripped each other’s clothes off? That’s totally normal, but just know that there are added risks.

Friction burns occur where skin is scraped off after contact with carpets, roads or hard floors a.k.a rug burn. Most carpet burns from sexual shenanigans are nothing to worry about and purely superficial. But a few too many scrapes may lead you to cause more damage than usual while being…preoccupied. Either way, it’ll be alright. You can still treat it at home. Just clean the affected area with soap and water to remove any debris (grit/fluff) and apply a dressing if it’s bleeding.

Minor sprains and strains from sex

By looking at common sports injuries you can probably figure out what common sex injuries are similar and roughly how to treat them. That way you can avoid giving the real reason for your most recent ailment when you visit the doctor’s office. “Jogger’s nipple I think doc.” Yeah, sure. Just make sure you don’t run out of breath on your way up the stairs, that might give it away.

Love bites and minor abrasions

A love bite is basically a bruise. All you have to do is dab antiseptic on deeper scratches and for minor cuts apply antiseptic and a dressing to avoid infection and you’re good to go. If the bleeding is more serious, apply pressure to the injury with a bandage or clean towel, lie down and elevate the affected area above the heart level to slow the bleeding. And if it doesn’t stop bleeding, seek medical advice ASAP. Otherwise, you can find out more about love bites in this article.

Sex bruises

Sex bruises are most common on knees, arms, arses and legs. In case you’re interested, bruises appear when tiny blood vessels break or burst after, ahem, banging them. Just grab some frozen peas or similar from the freezer and cool the area down to stop the bleeding under the skin and reduce swelling. 

Keep in mind that a bit of vaginal soreness or a tender, erect penis is ok, but if the pain is severe you may have some deeper internal bruising or even a snapped penis. In which case, you should visit your GP. Vaginal tears and penile fractures are no joke! Especially if you put a foreign object in the vagina and end up getting a tear as well as a urinary tract infection. In which case, you need a women’s health specialist. 

Whatever it is, don’t be embarrassed to seek help if you’re in any doubt. Trust us, they’ve seen just about everything.

Whiplash

Really? That intense? You might need to slow down there. In the meantime. Get yourself an ice pack to help with the whiplash. What you do with it afterwards is none of our business.

How to avoid sex injuries

You might wear your sex injuries like a badge of honour – “Woohoo, I got laid again, go me!” But if the repeated marks to your skin are making life difficult it may be time to take things down a notch. Perhaps your mates are convinced your partner is treating you wrong. In reality, you just bruise easily or enjoy sex on the rougher side (consensually, of course). But how are they meant to know?

So, if the injuries can be prevented by a change in your sexual techniques and positions, it may be worth considering. Try talking to your partner. If not biting you isn’t an option then try positions which would mean that any teeth-to-skin content occurs in a place usually covered by clothing (on your back rather than shoulders or nose for example).

And, it goes without saying, but if you’ve experienced anything like a snapped penis, a penile fracture or an intense vaginal bruise that’s DEFINITELY a sign to go a little gentler in the bedroom (or in the car, your preference really). Maybe even just stick to oral sex for a while.