How to finger yourself/masturbate if you have a vagina

Traditionally, female masturbation and vaginal masturbation has been a bit of a mystery. Where are you meant to touch and what’s meant to feel good? Is it ok to masturbate? Sex educators have typically shied away from the details, leaving many people confused about how to reach orgasm and explore sexual pleasures on their own.

Female and vaginal masturbation is nothing to be embarrassed about

Women and people with vaginas can often be made to feel a sense of shame and embarrassment about masturbation and their sexual desire, but when it comes to penises, wanking is normalised and accepted. This is rooted in patriarchal sexism, which is a load of old rubbish we need to chuck in the bin.

We’re here to tell you that no matter what your gender is, masturbation is normal and healthy. So hold your head high and read our guide on how to masturbate to get you started.

How to start masturbating if you have a vagina

Make sure you have clean hands and that you’re in an environment you’re comfortable in where you aren’t likely to be disturbed. There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate, but you might like to start by fantasising about things that turn you on. These can be things you’ve experienced, or things you imagine you might like to happen.

How to finger yourself

Once your imagination is fired up and you’ve got some blood flowing down there you might want to start by using your fingers (or maybe a vibrator) to gradually explore the inside of your vagina. Be gentle and don’t force anything, as you relax into it you’ll find it becomes easier.

Clitoral stimulation

If you rub the area around your clitoris you might start to notice an intense, pleasurable feeling that builds up as you masturbate, and spreads around your whole body – that’s called an orgasm.

Explore other parts of your body

Orgasms are great, but try to not focus all your attention on finding the sacred g-spot – the rest of you deserves some attention too!

Plus, if you over stimulate your clitoris it can become over-sensitive and uncomfortable. Play with your whole vulva, stroke your bum, boobs, and even legs damn it. Feel yourself. Find your erogenous zones – the parts of your body that are super sensitive. You could even use a mirror and watch yourself as you wank.

Find out more about the anatomy of your vagina and vulva here.

Stay relaxed

Above all else, when navigating your own masturbation, just relax. Putting too much pressure on yourself will amount to no fun and certainly no orgasms. Read more about masturbation here.

Make sure you’re in the right headspace by practicing some self-care beforehand. Go for a walk, have a bath or eat some good food. Wait until you have some time to kill, you’re alone in the house, or your family/housemates are distracted and then get comfy. Read our guide to self-care for more tips on relaxing.

If you’re worried about being noisy then hide under a duvet to dull the vibrations if you’re using a sex toy, and grab a pillow to cover any moaning.

Orgasms aren’t the be all and end all

Adapt your mindset to experimenting without a goal in mind. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you must experience orgasm to masturbate ‘properly’, but it’s not helpful, and will likely lead to zero orgasms. You should enjoy the whole experience of wanking – beginning, middle and end (if there is one). It should be fun to explore your body and what gets you off. If you nail that bit, you might just get a nice surprise.

Find out more about having an orgasm.

Read up on masturbation myths here.

Masturbating with lube

Some people don’t need lube, they have enough moisture to quench the Sahara. But some may need a little help getting wet. Do some research and experiment with different types of lube – organic, water-based, silicone-based or oil-based – to find out which is best for you. Educate yourself on lube here.

Sex toys are ok – just do your research

Dildos and rabbits and bullets (oh my!)… There are so many sex toys out there and you’re within your rights to try them all out. It might feel a bit awkward shuffling around Ann Summers poking at plastic willies but, well, they’re all there to be played with. Toys don’t have to be a replacement for your hands, but they can certainly help if you struggle to find the right rhythm or spot.

Also, we wouldn’t recommend using cucumbers or hairbrushes. It could be painful, unhygienic, and things could get a bit… hairy (sorry).

Read more about sex toys here.

You can still masturbate if you’re having sex

Even if you’re having regular sex with a partner, or a fuck buddy, it’s still fine to explore your body on your own and find out what feels good. It could also make your sex life even better, as you’ll know exactly what you like – plus you can turn your lover on by telling them all about it.

Masturbation and porn

You might watch porn sometimes while you masturbate, and lots of people use it to get sexual stimulation, and to discover things about sex and their sexuality. The kinds of bodies that you see in porn can be very limited and are not an average representation of what most bodies look like. It’s important to remember this if you find yourself comparing your body and your vagina to what you see in porn.

The way people are treated in porn can also be misleading about the kind of sex you and others are “supposed” to have or to want. Sex in porn can sometimes be violent or humiliating and might have nothing to do with how you or your sexual partners want to have sex.

This doesn’t mean you should never watch porn, and it can also be done in a healthy and ethical way – Google some healthy, feminist-friendly porn to find out more.

And don’t forget, it doesn’t have to just be about watching videos. You can read erotica too, or find a bunch of steamy photography.

Go forth and explore!

Go get exploring. No pressure, take your time, and have fun with your venture. Feel yourself and appreciate your impeccable, impressive and utterly fabulous bodies.

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