Coping with rejection

The world of Love is close mates with the world with Rejection. So if you’re putting yourself out there, there’s a risk of getting knocked back. But how do you cope with being rejected? And, also, how do you turn people down nicely?

Two hands holding on but slowly letting go

Regretting confessing your love by drunken text?

Being rejected

Some people will fancy you, some people won’t – after all, no one fancies everyone they meet. But that doesn’t make rejection any easier. When you pluck up the courage to say how you feel and they say no, you’re bound to be upset and embarrassed. If you’re still stinging, take some time to yourself to think things over and talk it through with a friend.

Remember that just because one person isn’t interested doesn’t mean you’re unattractive or unfanciable. We’re all attracted to different things, so not everyone you like in that way will automatically feel the same, and vice-a-versa.

The good news is that at least you know where you stand. There will be no more late nights worrying if they feel the same way and you can move on… when you’re ready of course. After all, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t realise how amazing you are, do you?

But we were friends, now what do I do?

If you were mates before you told them about your feelings you’ve got a decision to make – should you stay friends? It depends on how close you were to begin with, and how hard you find being around them. Whatever you decide, it may be a good idea to have some space from them for a while to try and sort your head out.

Rejecting someone

Being rejected is really hard, so if someone approaches you and you’re not interested, be gentle with them. Sometimes turning someone down can make us feel guilty, but leading them on is worse. So be nice, but firm.

I think they want to be more than friends

If you’re spending a lot of time with someone and you’re getting the sense that they want more you need to be open and upfront about how you feel.

Christine Northam, a counsellor from Relate, suggests that you say something like: “I’ve been wondering whether you’re getting closer to me than I am to you?” If the answer is yes, then you have the chance to explain your feelings and give rational reasons why you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with them.

You can say that you ‘don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment’, but beware that if you then meet someone else you do like, your friend will feel that you lied. Also, if you say you’re not ready for a relationship, the person might just wait (and wait) for you.

They won’t take no for an answer

If you’ve been really clear and firm and they’re still persistent you should be straight with them. Say: “I think we’re seeing too much of each other and we need some time out.” Sometimes a friendship can’t be possible if the person starts to become really involved with your life and can’t take no for an answer. If you think they might have stalker potential you’re definitely better off without them.

They’re worried no one wants to be with them

Don’t be too surprised if the person makes it clear that they’ve taken your rejection personally – after all, if you were in their situation wouldn’t you feel upset?

All you can do is try not to make it too personal and be as gentle as possible. But, if you feel you’ve tried your hardest to cushion the blow, don’t feel guilty if they’re still very upset; there may be nothing more you can do. If the person has a lot of emotional problems they may appreciate some help, but it’s up to you whether you feel you’re the right person to offer it.

Next Steps

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heartbreak

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Updated on 22-Dec-2015