Pulling a sickie

When you seriously need a day off, you might have to revert to your secondary school self and consider pulling a sickie. But this time you have to fool your boss instead of your mum. We don’t know which one’s worse tbh. Here’s our guide on how to pull a sickie. *DISCLAIMER* The Mix is in no way liable if you get sacked for doing this.

How to pull a sickie

• The most tried-and-tested of all the sickies is always some kind of illness. Make it something messy or contagious so that they’ll be relieved to see your empty desk. Just remember that if you say you’ve got covid you’re likely to cause a mini panic, so consider telling them you’ve tested negative to avoid this. Or maybe just go with a classic, like stomach problems.
• If you’re tired and have a slight cold or a touch of hay fever that could pass for flu, certainly don’t go into the office – you’re likely to be sent home anyways. As above, a simple call that you’re not feeling great but have tested negative should do the trick. Then tuck yourself in and enjoy a nice duvet day.
• If you’re ill in bed with a hangover, call in sick and say you ate a garage burger (let your imagination figure that one out) the night before, and got food poisoning. When you go back to work, rub a little bit of talcum powder under your eye bags for a pasty, sickly appearance. It’ll help to back your story up nicely.  Don’t overuse this excuse though. Your boss will notice very quickly that you’re always getting salmonella on Mondays and Fridays.
• Back injuries are hard to prove, but they are equally hard to disprove. Your new bad back could slip out of place at any time. Even if you do have to go in, it doubles as a great excuse for being lazy around the office. You might even get your working hours decreased. Just don’t get caught dancing in a local club the same evening.
• You can suddenly develop really horrific migraines. The sort that make you vomit every time you try to get out of bed and ready for work.

Pulling a sickie when working from home

With many of us now working from home the majority of the week, pulling a sickie by phone or email is a little easier. Of course, thanks to the pandemic a lot of people are genuinely sick and your colleagues are likely to be quite sympathetic if you pull the flu or covid card. The downside is that if you have a strong conscience, this might make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Plus, if anyone were to find out you were faking covid it’s quite likely to upset and annoy your colleagues. So it might be best to avoid using a global catastrophe as an excuse.

Emergency medical sickies

You can also get mornings off here and there if you invent some long-running dental problem. For example, a filling that keeps falling out. Though we should probably note that you can’t get away with this one if you’ve got perfect teeth.

Emergency visits to the doctor (GP) are a good mini-sickie excuse too, especially if you have been ‘suffering’ all weekend, and ‘it was the only appointment I could get’. Get ready to bring out the tiny violin and milk it.

How to pull a sickie based on transport woes

This is easy, as long as nobody in your office comes into work the same way as you do. Plan ahead; moan loudly all week about the traffic or public transport before you turn up late. Blame your car, the bus company, the train, or a traffic accident. Of course, if you’re working from home this one’s a bust. Although internet issues might be a good alternative in that scenario.

Domestic nightmare sickies

Try ‘waiting in’ for any number of things – the cable repair person, gas engineer, or washing machine fixer. Be creative; invent a personal domestic crisis like burst pipes, the roof falling in, or a broken sink. Just bear in mind that if you’re working remotely and have to use a webcam your boss might want to see evidence of the crisis.

But remember:

Employment law exists. If you try one of these, there is a good chance of being caught – and possibly sacked. Chances are there’ll be people queuing up to replace you. If you have to keep your job, you will never be allowed to take another sick day again. Even if you are genuinely sick. So think very carefully before you use any of these plots. And please, if you do get caught, leave The Mix’s name out of it.

Got a story about pulling a successful sickie? Share it with the community on our discussion boards.