It Takes Time

Hey, I'm Caitlan and I'm 17. This is my coming out story.

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I first came out to my best friend when I was thirteen, but at that point that meant showing her a memo on my phone that said, 'I don't know if I like boys or girls.' She just hugged me, reassured me that it was okay and that it didn't matter, and just let me vent. When I was sure I was gay at fourteen and started telling other friends, they weren't all as supportive. I got a lot of, 'as long as you don't hit on me' and 'I'm sure it's just a phase'. Even the ones that seemed supportive would say things like 'it's your choice' and 'if you don't like it you can change it'. People just didn't understand, but I would reply with 'maybe you being straight is just a phase' or 'could you change the fact that you're straight?', and then with time they'd start to learn.

I came out to my family at sixteen, when most of my friends from high school knew and some people at my new college knew and were fine with it. I'd been thinking about it for weeks, and just waited for the right time. We'd had a relaxed day watching films, and I said 'I want to tell you something.' I couldn't speak for what felt like ages and they were starting to get worried when I just quietly said 'I'm gay'. I was comfortable with who I was, but was scared of their reaction and whether it would be difficult afterwards since I was still dependent on them. My dad hadn't heard me so my mum had to repeat it, and he just hugged me. My mum was like, 'do you not think we already had an idea?'. There were a few awkward questions, including them listing off all my female friends and asking if they were as well. My dad was bothered that I "wouldn't have a normal wedding", and my mum wanted to know if I wanted kids, as if being gay somehow means I don't want kids. It's been a few months now and we've only had a couple of conversations about it, but it's mostly alright. My mum's been telling her friends and some of my family, which I don't mind cause it takes some of the pressure off me. It's taking some time for people to get used to it, but it's happening at least.

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