How to tell a friend they smell

We’ve all had ‘that’ talk in Year 6 which ends with us worriedly forcing our parents to buy some deodorant to avoid any further awkward conversations, but what happens when they just can’t be avoided? If you’ve got a mate who has a certain distinctive aroma to them, here’s our guide for how to bring it up without upsetting them or damaging their confidence.

Volunteering to tell a friend they smell

Whether you’ve noticed a persistent whiff of body odour, or everyone you know is talking behind their back about how badly they reek, you owe it to your friend to clue them in. If you’re confident you can let them know in a sensitive way you could volunteer to tell them yourself. But remember that body odour can be a touchy subject, so you’ll need to be careful about how and when you do it.

Pick your moment to tell them about their body odour

You’re probably thinking about googling ‘how to tell a friend she smells’. We say ‘she’ instead of ‘he’ because likelihood is, it’s a lot less embarrassing for a guy to have this convo than for a girl. That’s because for some bizarre reason, there’s this weird stigma around women doing basically anything human like growing body hair, or even having B.O. in the first place. So you’re gonna need to tread lightly.

Think how it would feel to be your mate right now. They may notice something is slightly off, but in general everything is fine and dandy. The last thing you need is for someone to step right up in front of all your mates, and say: “We think you should know your body odour makes us want to retch.” That would be really upsetting and even humiliating. You should only ever bring this up in private, in a way that keeps embarrassment to a minimum.

Present the facts about body odour

We all sweat. It’s nature’s way of keeping us from overheating. The stinky bit only kicks in when sweat on the skin is broken down by bacteria. So B.O. doesn’t make someone “dirty” or “unclean” because a lot of it depends on factors such as the rate someone perspires, the climate and humidity. Now that you’re armed with that knowledge, it’s just a matter of quietly flagging up the fact that a ramped up washing routine could leave them smelling fresh as a daisy. The key is to do so in your own words.

Keep things in perspective

Don’t make a big song and dance about your mate’s standard of personal hygiene. Let them see you have their best interests at heart. If you can keep things to a quick, quiet word, just to alert them to the situation. That way they’ll respect your tact and feel more comfortable addressing the problem. If you go on about it too much you’ll make it seem like more of a big deal than it needs to be, which could affect your mate’s confidence.

If you want to find out more about what it’s like to have low confidence and self-esteem, click here.

Laugh in the face of embarrassment

Chances are, s/he’s gonna feel a bit awkward or embarrassed when you raise the issue, but that’s only natural. What matters is that they can count on you to lead them safely from The Woods of Shame. Simply just move on without making a drama out of their personal crisis. You could even tell them you’ve had similar problems yourself, which could help to relax the conversation and change the subject once you’ve delivered the news.

“We never spoke about body odour, alright?”

There’s no need to raise the issue again, unless of course they turn to you for more advice on the issue or if they suddenly ask ‘how to tell a friend she smells’ (talk about everything coming back around again right?) If the problem persists, however, it might be wise for them to get checked out by a GP (doctor), just to check for any underlying medical issue that may need to be addressed.

Have you ever had to work out how to tell a friend she/he smells? Or do you have a bit of an issue with body odour yourself? Share your story on our discussion boards, where you’ll find tons of friendly and supportive members of our community.