My mother is a hoarder

Adele* is 24 and lives in a women’s hostel in Manchester. Her mother is a hoarder and she grew up living in a house rammed with junk.

True Stories

There were piles of junk all over the house

Sitting in school assembly, I felt something crawl across my hand. A cat flea. Most people would’ve been appalled but I just flicked it away, hoping nobody noticed. I was used to it.

We had cat fleas in my house for years, though when I was little I didn’t really know what they were. I just remember thinking these little jumping things were playing games with me as they leapt around in the carpet. I used to try and chase them. Even then I knew my house wasn’t normal, but I didn’t know what to do.

Our fridge was filled with mould

I lived alone with my mum and piles of junk. Our homes have always been really cluttered. Whenever we moved, the next house would quickly fill up with boxes and bags piled up everywhere. There were cupboard boxes crammed full of rubbish; you could hardly see our beds; couldn’t get to the windows; and our living room was a huge store cupboard of baby toys, books, newspapers, ornaments and broken electrical items. Our fridge was full of jam jars filled with excess sauce and empty margarine tubs of uneaten food – often with mould on.

I had an accident when I was a kid and had to spend some time in a wheelchair. I started to get depressed because the kitchen had boxes and items piled up against the wall, leaving incredibly narrow pathways to get through in my chair.

They found a dead bird under my bed

When I was about 10 my auntie decided to tidy and decorate my bedroom after I’d broken down in tears. She told me years later how she came across a dead bird under my bed. She put lots of bin bags of rubbish out when she was babysitting. When my mum came home and saw them she went crazy and brought them all back in the house. They had a massive argument and didn’t speak for two years. The bin bags stayed in the house.

I used to try and clean up but there would always be a pile of stale cat poo or dried sick buried underneath the junk – the house always had a natural odour of urine and faeces. The cats would also bring in dead mice and hide them under the rubbish where they would decompose. It smelt horrible.

I moved 100 miles away from my mother

As a teenager, I was far too embarrassed to have friends round, so I never invited anyone back. I knew my mum wouldn’t really like it either. Nobody at school really said anything, but they must’ve known something wasn’t quite right as I had fleas crawling across me during lessons.

I left home at 16 and moved 100 miles away. I rarely visit my mum now; I’ve given up trying to change her. If I try and tidy the place up she goes nuts. If I beg her to clean she says I’m emotionally blackmailing her. She won’t ever talk about serious issues. It’s like she lives in cloud cuckoo land.

They say hoarding maybe triggered by trauma. My mum had three baby brothers who died when she was young, and her own mum died when she was 13. On top of that her dad was a heavy drinker. Mum’s never really grieved. I feel she’s endured a lot of pain and simply doesn’t know how to cope with life.

Whenever I think about it, I get angry

I find programmes like Hoarders really hard. I started watching one once but had to turn it off. I cried because the woman on the telly got help, but my mum’s too stubborn to ask for it. It’s so painful.

Whenever I think about my mum I get angry. I’m 24, a journalism graduate, and living in a hostel for the second time because there’s no support from her. I love my mum and I know she loves me in her own way, but it’s very hard to see that sometimes.

To get support with hoarding disorder

Get in touch with our team, who are there to offer free and confidential information and help on any issue.

Read our article to find out more about the disorder and how to cope with it.

*Names have been changed

Photo of girl in cafe by Shutterstock and posed by model