How football forums helped me get over a broken heart

Where do you go when you've got a broken heart? Sometimes support comes from surprising places.

True Stories

Dealing with rejection

I met Kat one summer through a friend. At first we only saw each other as friends, but by October we both wanted a relationship.

But then… just two days after we got together, for no apparent reason, she refused to speak to me at school and then over the weekend. When we finally spoke, she was angry at me and said she had a wonderful weekend but was frustrated by me. I had not even seen her since Thursday, so I had no idea what was going on. On the Monday and Tuesday she flat-out ignored me, even when I spoke to her directly. It was not until the Friday we finally spoke with one of her friends together to try and sort something out.

In that conversation, she made it clear that she only wanted to be friends, despite the fact that it was her who asked me out. Her friend agreed with her, the same friend who had been pushing for nearly two months beforehand trying to get us together.

I really loved Kat, and I thought that it was just an odd ‘period’. Hopefully by the following week everything would return to how it was and possibly we could get back together again. I believed this for nearly four months. That ‘period’ never ended.

Why can’t we be friends?

During that time we became more and more distanced, I became closer to her other friends and she saw this as me abandoning her – she thought I was only interested in her if she wanted a relationship with me. This wasn’t true as I wanted someone to talk to and be close friends with, as female friends are much more understanding and caring than male friends in my opinion.

Yet, despite the fact that Kat wanted a close friendship with me, I couldn’t come to terms with it. I still loved her so much. This made me angry and frustrated at her, believing that we never had an opportunity to really try a relationship. My anger turned somewhat into hate. I began to say disrespectful things about her to friends, thinking that her friends were on my side. The whole situation makes me feel disappointed at myself, yet also rather upset. I wish I could have kept our friendship but in truth I felt helpless. I was pushed by her friends and her into a relationship that seemed rosy, but once it collapsed it felt like the doors were slammed back in my face.

The cold shoulder

By the end of January, Kat and I did not look at each other down the hallway. I stopped the harmful comments about her and attempted to move on. I found it hard because I still felt something for her despite the things I’d said. She began the gossip about me and one by one, the friends I believed were mine began falling out of my circle. I had no one left from that group come June, and many more people believed her and listened to her. Even when we moved to college, one of my friends told me how she’d gossiped about me to some of her new college friends. They gave me horrible looks in college corridors and made me feel sick. People who had not even met me now disliked me. Luckily they were a minority in a large college.

During this time, my real life friends separate from this group were not much help. Most of them said ‘just talk to her’, when they knew just as well as I did that she refused to talk to me whatsoever. They just listened to the story and nodded. Saying things like, ‘oh well’ or, ‘females eh?’ Those comments made me feel worse. By mid April I felt in a pit of nothingness. No one understood me and I had no one to talk to. Add to this the pressure of exams and the crumbling financial and managerial status of Liverpool football club (faced with bankruptcy and collapse), I felt very depressed. Nothing seemed to help. Then came the long summer break away from everyone, which did help.

Finding the support I craved

I also owe a lot to a Liverpool FC forum that I use. It had an existing thread on ex-girlfriends. While the thread itself was not created for advice about ex-girlfreind help, the topic was soon filled with people looking for help and other people telling their stories. Admittedly, there is some pretty staunch stuff on there. A lot of people were in different situations to me and nearly all of them much older than I was. Many of them told me to “get the f* over yourself” and “grow up lad.” However one or two took it seriously and told me that I wasn’t the only one who had these issues. I was told that I still had a lot of time left and being in college was a fresh start despite the fact that she was still there. I started to look forward with this advice and in truth, things got better. I put the whole issue aside (I had stored it up in the summer and only made it worse) and focused on college. Before I knew it everything was good again. I’d met some amazing people and new friends, even some girls I fancied (although they never progressed). I succeeded somewhat in college and Liverpool FC was saved from disaster at the last moment. The forum really kept me positive and forward thinking – there was advice and humour at every turn (I still laugh when I read that thread).

A new attitude

Sometimes seeing Kat in college still makes me think about what could have been, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that I need to move on and am doing so. I’m being positive and not looking back. I have learned not to get so worked up and be more calm and positive in future relationships. It was a tough lesson to learn but an essential one. Like I mentioned, still seeing Kat around makes me think, but in truth it’s behind me.