Helping my wife cope with bullying and discrimination

WayneS helped his wife cope when she was bullied about her disability.

True Stories

Wayne's wife was bullied for being blind.

I have never been bullied. I’ve never been called names by a large group of people. I’ve never been beaten up. I’ve never been made to fear going to school or college. I didn’t support people who were bullied when I was at school or college. I was hardly the right person to be helping somebody who was been bullied at college by students and a lecturer because she’s blind.

My wife’s awful experience

But on November 19th 2008, my blind wife came home crying. The students on her course had decided that she couldn’t spend time with them at breaks or lunch, because they weren’t paid to look after her. She was 23. She didn’t need looking after. That was only the start of things to come.

A few weeks later, my wife was banned from going to the local shops or going anywhere on campus unaccompanied by a member of staff.

The lecturer, knowing my wife has a learning disability which affects her numeracy skills, made her count money in front of the class, and laughed when she counted it wrong. He’d greet every student except my wife every morning before lessons, and deliberately refused to help her with her work.

The students made her feel isolated, and targeted her on Facebook and at college. They made false accusations against her. One day after her birthday party which was organised by a friend who can see, one student told her she can’t socialise with people who can see. In class, the students refused to include her in a group activity.

The college refused to do anything to help my wife. It decided at the end of the year that despite all the incidents, despite the police describing the actions of the students towards my wife as hate incidents, And despite the students admitting on Facebook that their treatment of her was due to her disability, the students hadn’t done anything wrong. They simply didn’t like my wife, but it wasn’t because of her disability.

Legal action

A couple of weeks after the bullying and discrimination against my wife had started, we began legal proceedings against the college. Neither of us had ever fought a legal battle before. We didn’t know the law, but we knew that the bullying discrimination and human rights abuses against my wife were wrong. Nor did we know how difficult and long legal action can be, especially when the other side uses stalling tactics and is uncooperative.

My wife isn’t very good at explaining things or expressing herself in writing, so my first task was to explain everything that had happened so far. Over the next few months, my wife and I had to keep her legal representative updated. When ever something else happened, we contacted my wife’s legal representative with the details.

I was told in April that we should be logging everything that happened. Luckily, I could remember everything that happened, and using emails and other dated documents, I was able to compile a log, which I continued to update.

Seeking other help

Because the actions of the students were labelled hate incidents, we contacted an organisation that helps victims of hate crimes and incidents. A few weeks went by, and we hadn’t heard from the person who was helping us. We tried to find out what was happening, only to discover that the organisation had lost its contract and that our case had been transferred to the new organisation. Nobody bothered to tell us.

During and after the academic year, my wife was emotionally affected. She was anxious about attending college, and she wasn’t sleeping or eating properly. She got counselling, but I still had an additional role, which was to give her support, reassurance, advice and encouragement.

It wasn’t until spring 2010 that the legal battle ended out of court, but the end wasn’t easy. My wife won £5000 compensation, but at a price. She had to sign away her right to speak about her experiences.

Speaking out

Luckily for her, I never signed the contract. This meant that I could speak out about what happened, and as the two year anniversary approached, that’s what I did. I was interviewed by two local newspapers and a press agency. Though my wife was present, she couldn’t say anything. She had to sit in silence.

This case has had a positive impact. It has made me aware of how bullying, discrimination, and hate crimes and incidents affect people, and sympathetic to people who suffer such experiences. I have also been working on the creation of a service which will provide legal, emotional and other support to disabled people who experience bullying and discrimination. If you’re bullied and discriminated against, help is available. Seek justice, and wait for it patiently.