Premature ejaculation

Coming too soon is a common problem for men but in many cases it doesn't, ahem, last long. Here are some coping strategies and tips on how to last longer.

Premature ejaculation is a common problem for many men

What is premature ejaculation?

Put simply, it’s a term given to explain what happens during sex when a man ‘comes’ or ‘climaxes’ too quickly. Some experts interpret premature as meaning ejaculation within two minutes of penetration. Others define it within the context of a sexual relationship, when a persistently early finish causes problems between you and your partner.

What causes premature ejaculation?

Anxiety, stress and abstinence from sex can all play a part. It isn’t uncommon for men to suffer from ‘performance anxiety’, especially at the start of a relationship when the desire to please is often at its greatest.

In most cases, learning to recognise and control the sensations in the penis will slow things down, and communicating with your partner about what is worrying you is also key. Once you’ve got your concerns out in the open, you can both set about putting them right. Which means one thing: practise!

How to last longer

• A sex ban: Foreplay with a ban on sex can help reduce anxiety and ultimately delay orgasm.
• Distraction: Mild cases of PE can often be solved by learning the art of distraction. This involves turning your mind to something else when you feel you are getting close to climax.
• The stop-start technique: An exercise practised during manual stimulation or sex, which basically involves slowing down or holding off just before ejaculation. This allows the level of arousal to subside, giving more pre-climax control.
• The Masters-Johnson method: A ‘penis-grip’ technique developed by therapists of the same names. By learning a special finger grip that stops the urge to climax, it’s often possible to re-train a man to last much longer. It’s possible to master the technique with a willing partner but it’s best if you both learn it properly with a trained doctor, psychotherapist or counsellor.

Other ways to delay premature ejaculation:

So, you’ve talked about the problem and no amount of practise seems to be making any difference. Don’t panic – there are still options:

• Sex after ejaculation: Having ejaculated once, either by masturbation or during sex, men generally take longer to achieve arousal and climax again.
• Thicker condoms: Can reduce the intensity of arousal leading up to climax.
• Psychosexual counselling: If PE continues to be a problem, talking things through with a counsellor could help. Find someone suitable through Relate or the British Association for Sex and Relationship Therapy (BASRT).
• Lessen your expectations: Many men buy into the sex myth that they should be in control. This can lead to a great deal of anxiety, which is linked to premature ejaculation. Recognising that both partners play an equal part will take the focus off the need to ‘perform’ and help you to relax.

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