What is virginity?
A person who has not had sex with another person might be considered a virgin, but this is just one possible definition. For some people, losing their virginity might refer to their first time with oral sex, anal sex, or sex using fingers or toys. You could think of losing your virginity multiple times, by having different kinds of sex.
What does losing your virginity mean to you?
Regardless of your definition of what virginity is, it tends to be seen as an important milestone, and one that’s easy to build up in your head. There can be a lot of peer pressure to lose your virginity, and a 2019 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that more than a third of women and a quarter of men in their teens and early 20s admitted it had not been “the right time” when they first had sex. Regret is sadly a common feeling after losing virginity.
Am I ready for sex?
If you’re having sex for the first time just to please the other person, that’s certainly not ideal! If someone really cares about you, they won’t pressure you into doing something you don’t feel ready for.
In fact, the whole idea of ‘losing your virginity’ is pretty outdated and unhelpful. It makes more sense to think of the process as a gradual exploration of your sexuality and sexual experiences that should always unfold at your own pace.
The pressure to lose your virginity
There’s no real right or wrong time to become sexually active (although the age of consent is there for a reason). The right time is when it feels right for you; when you feel ready to explore that part of yourself. So try not to worry about what your friends are (or say they are) doing.
When the hour to cometh comes, try to think of it as gaining an experience, rather than losing something or giving something away. This isn’t the sixteenth century and you’re not a fair maiden/princess.
Useful links
A guide to your first time having sex
Does losing your virginity hurt?
Regret and common feelings after losing your virginity
What age do people lose their virginity? The UK average age
When do I know I’m ready? When to have sex
Should I sleep with my ex to lose my virginity
Information and support on how to have sex
Information and support on how to have safe sex
There’s no need to rush
Try to make sure that when you have sex, you and your partner are both ready and that you actually want to. There’s no need to rush, so get comfortable with each other, and the experience will be a lot more pleasurable and a lot less awkward. But probably still a bit awkward.
Sex in 60 seconds ft. Hannah Witton
What do you do when you have a sex expert in the house? Quiz them of course! In the final episode of “Sex in 60secs with Hannah Witton” we put Hannah’s knowledge to the test. How much does she really know?
