Sex injuries

Hurt yourself during a steamy sex session? Let The Mix fix those wounds and spare your blushes.

That's not the lovebite he had in mind...

So you’ve been at it like the animals on the Discovery Channel for 48-hours nonstop? We’re not surprised you’re in pain, love. Sex injuries range from carpet burns and muscle strains to banging heads on headboards. Hurt? Help is at hand.

Concussion

If your partner hits their head on the bedside table they may suffer temporary unconsciousness or a nasty headache. While you might be gasping for a rest and recharge you should get in contact with a doctor if they lose consciousness for more than a couple of minutes, vomit or have more difficulty than usual conversing with you when they come to.

Sex friction burns

Didn’t make it to the bedroom? Friction burns occur where skin is scraped off after contact with carpets, roads or hard floors. Most carpet burns from sexual shenanigans will be superficial and can be treated at home, but a few too many pops or other highs may cause you to cause more damage than usual while lost in orgasmic thrills. Clean the affected area to remove any debris (grit/ fluff), and apply a dressing if it’s bleeding.

Minor sprains and strains

Sex injuries share most of the symptoms and treatments of common sports injuries, which is handy for sparing those blushes when telling the doctor how it happened: “Jogger’s nipple I think doc.” Yeah, whatever.

Love bites and minor abrasions

A love bite is basically a bruise, caused by bleeding under the skin as a result of your partner’s limpet-like sucking on your neck. Dab antiseptic on deeper scratches and for minor cuts apply antiseptic and a dressing to avoid infection. If the bleeding is more serious apply pressure to the injury with a bandage or clean towel, lie down and elevate the affected area above the heart level to slow the bleeding. If the injury is very big or doesn’t stop bleeding seek medical advice.

Sex bruises

To knees, arms, arses, legs, these are the most common injuries to occur from sex. Bruises appear when tiny blood vessels break or burst after, ahem, banging. Grab some frozen peas or similar from the freezer and cool the area down the stop the bleeding under the skin and reduce swelling. If the pain is severe you may have some deeper internal bruising and should visit your GP.

Whiplash

Really? Easy tiger. You need an ice pack first of all – yes there is more that you can do with the ice later, it’s not just for helping with whiplash.

Damage limitation

It may be that you wear your sexual injuries like a badge of honour – “Woohoo, I got laid again, go me!” But if the repeated marks to your skin are getting you down it may be time to take action. Perhaps your mates keep eying your lover with disdain convinced they are beating you up, when really you just bruise easily or enjoy consensual rough sex.

The answer? Abstain. Behave and stop your sinful shagging ways. Just kidding. If the injuries could be prevented by a change in your sexual techniques and positions, it may be worth considering. Try talking to your partner, if stopping biting you isn’t an option, try positions which would mean that teeth-to-skin content occurs in a place usually covered by your style of dress (on your back rather than shoulders or nose for example).

Hold their hands or move their grip away from your arms to the headboard or that handy trapeze above you to avoid five finger adverts of your sex life. Or if you keep hitting your head on that table, consult the Feng Shui book and move that room around. You get the picture, but please don’t send them to us, ewww.

Photo of girl biting nose by Shutterstock