Is this a date, or just hanging out?

So you have this friend, but, well *blush* you think you fancy them. So how the hell do you tell if they feel the same way?

Nope. Not a date.

You’re friends. You get on really well. You may have an in-joke. There have been ‘moments’ where your eyes have locked a little too long. You think they may be interested too, but you can’t tell if you’re imagining things. Confused? Let The Mix help you out.

Is it a date?

Your ‘friend’ has asked you to do something with them. Result! However, an invite out – especially from someone you’re already friends with – can be quite ambiguous. You need to cut to the details.

“I reckon you can just tell from the weird nervous tension, strange blushing, and also if the friend and you are particularly careful to not put kisses on emails and texts,” says Bethany. “I am currently in a very happy relationship with my former friend. I don’t know if asking her to come to my house ‘to do some art’ counted as a date, though?”

Where are you going? Are you watching DVDs at one of your houses, or going for dinner? Either could be a date. Being at home offers a relaxed opportunity to make a move, unless your parents/housemates/kid brother are there to scupper plans. Then again, maybe they just thought you’d like to see the film too, as a pal. Going for dinner is likely to be a date, and all the things in between – bowling, going to see a gig, the cinema – could be interpreted as either scenario. Complicated, huh?

Will it be just the two of you? If other mates tag along for the ride and they aren’t one other couple, i.e. a double date, then this is not a date. I repeat, this is not a date; so don’t even think about making a move.

How did they phrase it? If they asked if you wanted to hang out for the day it would point to this being a ‘friends’ thing, but then again it may be down to fear or shyness. They may want to ask you out, but just hanging out together carries less pressure – a chance to get you on your own, but without expectations. In this case, you need to look for more signs on the day.

On the day

Still not sure what’s going on? Look for tell tale signs:

• What are they wearing? Have they made more of an effort than usual?
• Do they mention any other potential love/lust interests? If they go on about fancying someone else and ask your advice on how to make a move, you can be pretty certain that this is NOT a date.
• How are they behaving? Look at their body language? Are you two play-fighting? This is a good sign of primal attraction. Are they flirting with you? If they are, be brave, flirt back and see what happens.

When to make a move

So all the signs are positive, but what do you do now? Well, brush up on your pulling skills. Reciprocate their body language and wait for them to clock your interest and make a move. If you’re taking the plunge you could be bold and get the words out: “So, is this a date or what?” Alternatively, try holding their hand or leaning in for a kiss.

On the other hand, you could do nothing; simply sit back and wait and see what develops. If you don’t think there’s anything happening at all and start to panic quietly, retreat with grace. You’d rather keep your friend than mess things up.

When it doesn’t go quite to plan

So you gave it your best shot but they’re not interested. At the time you can brush it off as a joke/moment of madness/too much booze/hormones/a trick of the light etc. They may not believe you, but you’ll probably get away with it. Or there’s the casually honest option: “Oh, it just seemed like it would be nice, no bother, we’re still mates, right?”

Once you’ve escaped it may not seem so bad. Dealing with rejection is always difficult, but you have to remember that some things are just not meant to be and a friendship can be resumed eventually. You may want to take a little time out and spend time with other pals while you recover from the fall out. If this person is a good friend they should respect that.

Photo of girl kissing a guy by Shutterstock.