How to stop self-harming

It may seem as though it's impossible to get out of the cycle of self-harming, but you aren't alone and there are ways you can help yourself stop. The Mix takes a few steps forwards and a few steps back.

Figuring out how to stop self harm isn’t easy, but by reading this article you’re already making progress. Check out our step by step below to help you move on. You can also speak to our team right away if you’re in crisis.

Step 1: Be ready to take the first step

For many people, recovery from mental health problems starts with a decision that they want things in their life to change. Perhaps the most important thing when it comes to how to stop self-harming is to think about why you started to self-harm in the first place and what purpose it serves for you.

“Many people start self-harming when they’re frustrated or depressed, extremely anxious, or feeling trapped because of a certain situation in their lives,” says Frances McCann, senior mental health practitioner at young people’s mental health service, 42nd Street.

“It may be that you do it because you feel you’re not being listened to and it’s a way of dealing with stress without knowing what else to do.” Addressing the underlying issues that lead you to feel low and start hurting yourself in the first place may feel difficult – even impossible – but this is an important part of the process of working out how to stop self harm and recover. You may need the help and support of other people to do this.

See our article exploring why people self harm for more information.

Step 2: Talk to someone about your self-harm

Confiding in someone else about the problems you are having is an important step, but if you feel you’re not being listened to don’t give up – seek alternative support from health care professionals such as your doctor (GP), or talk to a counsellor, helpline, friend, teacher, or family member.

If you’re worried about talking to a professional, you might like to read our article on doctor patient confidentiality and self harm. We also have another article on how to talk to someone about self harm.

It may even be that the anonymity of online discussion boards will help you start to talk about your issues and give you the confidence to find more professional help. Some people may try to put you under pressure to stop but it has to be your decision – if you try to quit for anyone other than yourself you may not be able to.

You may also find it useful being part of a self-help group, as it will allow you to discuss your feelings with others who understand where you are coming from and won’t judge you. If you want to talk to someone in depth, then your GP may be able to refer you for counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), or discuss whether it’s worth trying certain medication.

Step 3: Find distractions that work for you and develop better coping methods

There are a range of coping tips and distractions that you can try to help you cope with stress, upset, anger or difficult feelings. “For some young people it may be comforting to call a friend, or watch a movie,” says Frances. “Another one is to listen to music and get yourself moving – so it’s a kind of distraction activity, but it serves another function as it’s enabling you to use that frustration in a different way.”

Self harm recovery

What is self harm recovery really like? Here’s what some of our community had to say:

“At the time that you are doing it, it may seem hard to stop, but if you keep working on it and get the help that you need, you will be able to,” says Abbey, 24. “The best way is to get better coping skills in how to handle your usual stresses and triggers. Yes, you may have some relapses, I have had many, but all you can do then is to keep trying and trying and not give up. I was afraid that if I would keep doing it that I might cut too deep one time and I would bleed to death.”

“My mood lifted for a while, and I simply stopped having the desire to do it,” says David, 21. “Now I am tempted again, but it seems too much trouble to start dismantling the razor blades to use them, though I think that one time I will be so down that it won’t. I have a theory that there’s no such thing as an ‘ex-self-harmer’, just as there’s no such thing as an ‘ex-alcoholic’ or ‘junkie’.

“It’s more an on-going battle than one with an end. Though it is something that can be beaten, slipping back now and again is not something to be ashamed and disgusted of.”

See our article on how to deal with a self harm relapse for more support.

If you don’t feel ready to stop self-harming

If self-harm has become part of your life and helps you deal with your feelings, it may be difficult to imagine coping without it. It’s understandable that you may not feel ready to stop right now, especially as it may mean making a big change in your life.

In the meantime, try to take care of any injuries you may have and see a doctor or nurse if you’re worried that a wound may be infected. If you feel that your self-harm is getting out of control or that you are going to seriously hurt yourself – get help.

Even if you’ve stopped and gone back to it, you should remember that a relapse doesn’t mean that you’ve failed – you’ve actually started to make a positive step towards recovering, it’s just that sometimes it can take a number of attempts before you can stop completely.

How to stop someone from self-harming

If someone close to you tells you they’re self-harming, you might feel the urge to convince them to stop what they’re doing right away. However, this can often alienate the person who’s self-harming, so the best approach is to try to be non-judgmental, listen as much as you can and offer support while letting them stay in control of their decisions.

Hearing someone you love tell you they’re hurting themselves can be quite shocking, but it’s important not to panic and overreact. It might even seem like attention seeking behaviour to you but labelling it as such isn’t going to help someone to stop self-harming. 

Self-harming is not a mental illness and people who have urges to hurt themselves can stop, but it’s better to have empathy and understanding when someone feels comfortable enough to open up to you about something like this. Be honest about your own fears, but don’t try to force change. 

Support for self-harming

Check out the rest of The Mix’s self harm resources here. Speak to our team today if you need urgent support.

RecoverYourLife.com is an online community where you can get peer support for self-harm and other mental health problems.

TESS text and email support service runs Monday to Friday from 7pm to 9pm for girls and women aged under 25. Text them on 0780 047 2908.