Meet the parents

Meeting your partner’s parents can sometimes be so scary you’d rather just break up with them. Here’s how to make them love you.

Suddenly your partner is less attractive...

Get the dirt on them first

Before you meet the parental units, grill your partner for any useful information. What do they do? Are they old-fashioned? What are their hobbies? Arming yourself with background info means you can arm yourself with good conversation fodder. It also makes it easier to avoid those ‘whoops’ moments, like bringing a bottle of wine if they’re recovering alcoholics.

What do I wear to meet the parents?

Fellas:

Smartness won’t do any harm here. Maybe wear a shirt instead of a t-shirt, tidy up your facial hair. That kind of thing.

Girls:

You want them to think you’re attractive in a ‘you’ve done good, son’ sorta way. However there is a difference between ‘attractive’ and ‘sexy’. You don’t want them to think you’re sexy. It’s confusing and weird for everyone. Probably best not to flash too boob/leg.

What do we talk about?

Firstly, let’s start with what you shouldn’t talk about.

Politics

Religion

Any stories involving how drunk you were

Anything involving swear words

Maybe you can build to these things with time, but for the initial meet, you want to steer clear of anything controversial.

Instead, use the knowledge you gleaned off your partner to start convos about stuff they’re interested in. Ask lots of questions and smile and act interested in the answers — even if they’re droning on about the life cycle of bees.

Don’t get drunk

Yes, it’s tempting. And they may well keep topping up your wine glass. But now is not the time to get pissed together and bond. Being drunk makes you vulnerable to oversharing, showing off, flirting, swearing, and all those other foot-in-mouth topics we’ve warned you about.

What if their parents don’t like me?

There’s no point in worrying about this before you’ve met them. You’ll just get anxious and are more likely to behave oddly and turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you have met them and you didn’t go down well, you’re in dangerous waters. Yes, it’s unbelievably crap if your partner’s parents decide not to like you, or think you’re a bad influence — especially if you’ve tried really hard with them. But before you go bitching about what douches they are, remember: these are your partner’s parents. They will always ALWAYS defend them. And they will always ALWAYS get very VERY upset with you if you call them douches.

Instead, before you start boiling with resentment, explain you’re a bit worried their parents don’t like you. They might shed some light on things – perhaps their dad routinely hated their last boyfriend, too.

And who knows, you might prove them wrong with a few more meets. In the meantime, feel free to tell everyone that your partner’s parents are utter douches. Except your partner.

What if I don’t like their parents?

It can be very disconcerting – and ultimately off-putting – if you meet your partner’s parents and think they’re, well, pretty horrible. Whether they’re openly racist, sexist, or just a bit creepy, it’s likely to make you feel a bit weird about your loved-one and see them in a new light.

Remember, they aren’t their parents. Think of your ‘rents, and think how you would feel if someone thought you were the same. If something came up at the meeting that REALLY bothered you it may be worth asking your partner about it in a neutral way to see if they’re bothered too. Something like: “I didn’t know your parents voted for the BNP, have they always had those views?” could work. Or, “it’s interesting that your family is so traditional.”

Again, don’t tell your partner that you think they’re arseholes. Otherwise you’ll just get a one-way ticket to Dumpsville.