Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time

After dating a while you might start to realise that you can’t live without that person. That they make you feel all happy and jittery. Now for the small matter of saying 'I love you' for the first time. Out loud. To them. Scary? Yes. But we're here to hold your hand.

How long should you wait to say I love you?

Knowing how long to wait before saying I love you is one of the trickiest things to navigate. There’s no perfect amount of time and every relationship is different. In some cases it may be early in the relationship, in others it may be a long time into it. Best not to do it too quickly. And by that we mean in the first couple of weeks; it might end up having the opposite effect of what you intended. The only exception is if you’re absolutely, positively, 100,001% sure they feel the same.

Before you say I love you for the first time

So you’ve figured out how long to wait to say I love you. Now comes the hard part.

Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time is never easy. It can take ages to pluck up the courage to do it. That might work in your favour if you’re in a long term relationship. Alternatively, the words might end up slipping out at the wrong time and potentially wreck a relationship. To make sure you stand the best chance possible of things going your way, follow these steps.

Ask yourself if you’re genuinely falling in love with this person

Telling someone you love them without really meaning it is like holding up a sheet of Clingfilm and hoping they won’t see through it. Yes, there’s a lot of intense emotion in the early days of a relationship, but there’s nothing more obvious than a fake ‘I love you’. 

Plan what you’re going to say

But not too much! There’s also gotta be a level of spontaneity to saying I love you for the first time. Let your emotions lead the way and you can do no wrong (unless your emotions tell you that you don’t love them). For some inspo, maybe watch classic love stories like Notting Hill. 

If that all sounds too stressful, however, then consider writing a love letter instead. That way, you can draft it to your heart’s content. Plus you can make sure that your words are exactly what you want them to be. Just be aware that you’ll have to face them afterwards, and say it for real some time.

Prepare yourself for their response

It’s all too easy to get so caught up in the delivery of the line that you fail to see beyond it. Don’t assume they’ll say it back instantly and passionately kiss you to affirm their love. It may come as a shock to them, or they might not feel the same way. Whatever the case, don’t hold out because you’re scared of their response. That’ll most likely just lead to tension in the relationship.

How to say I love you for the first time

Be bold. There is no quick-fix to make this moment painless. A good tip would be to speak clearly, and hold eye contact – that way you won’t have to repeat yourself. It’s no good mumbling the line into your shoes. Get it right the first time. Come on, now. Think of yourself as a sniper of love. You have the red laser pointed at them. Your aim is steady and true. Now give it your best shot.

What if they don’t say it back?

So you’ve said I love you, but they didn’t return the feeling. Be patient. Even if you don’t get the response you want straight away, there’s no going back now. You’ve irreversibly changed the dynamics of this relationship – hopefully for the best. If they seem shocked, then give them time to digest things, and work out what it means to them. 

Ultimately, telling someone you love them shouldn’t be done with an ulterior motive in mind. It’s a heartfelt expression. Not a password to make things more intimate. Here’s our guide on dealing with rejection in case things don’t go your way.