Stuttering

Hey, I’m V – Senior Community Officer at The Mix. I’m a huge nerd and have a keen interest in communication and social issues like masculinity, gender more broadly, and ‘taboo’ topics like sex.

I’ve lived with a stutter, also known as a stammer, since I was three and I’m now 26. Stuttering used to be a huge barrier for me when I was younger and I still have good and bad days, but overall, I’m in a good place with it now.

What is a stutter?

A stutter, also called a stammer or dysfluency, is a condition that affects the fluency of your speech. This can take a variety of different forms, including:

• word repetition (my name is-is-is Mike)
• sound repetition (m-m-m-my name is Mike)
• making sounds longer (my nnnnnnnname is Mike)
• blocking (my _______name is Mike)

A stammer is usually developmental, meaning it’s identified during early childhood, while speech and language skills are still developing. However, stutters can also be acquired, meaning they happen as a result of illness, injury, or trauma (this is quite rare). This article is focused on developmental stammers.

What causes stuttering?

The causes of stuttering remain a bit of a mystery. We know what doesn’t cause stuttering. It isn’t caused by anxiety, nervousness, laziness or low intelligence (yes, people used to believe those last two). Beyond that, the current thinking is that dysfluency can be linked to or influenced by the following:

• Genetics – it’s common for stammers to run in families
• Environmental and developmental factors
• Biological sex – stammers are more common in males

How stuttering can affect people

Most people know what stuttering sounds like and that it can make public speaking difficult, but that seems to be as far as common knowledge goes. So, let’s go a little deeper.

Most of us find audio calls difficult

This is a very common one. The person we’re speaking to can’t see our face and they miss out on all the visual cues that we’re stuttering. Even with the best will in the world, people interrupt you, cut you off, or hang up on you mid-block because they think the line has gone dead.

We tend to substitute or avoid words

If there are words we consistently find difficult to say, sometimes it’s just easier to substitute them for a word that either means the same thing or something very similar. For example, I usually can’t say the word ‘country’ so I tend to say ‘nation’. It’s a bit clunky but it gets us by.

People interrupt us all the time

People often try to finish our sentences. Sometimes people are genuinely trying to help, but in reality it comes off as impatient and disrespectful, and in the worst case when people get it wrong, it means we have to start all over again to correct them.

We have good days and bad days

Stuttering tends not to be a consistent thing. Personally, I have good days and bad days, and I have quite specific triggers that can make me stutter more. For example, if I don’t get enough sleep or life is generally quite stressful, I tend to stutter more and I need to budget my energy accordingly.

There’s a physical toll

Stuttering is essentially a mix of involuntary muscle movements and tensions in your face and mouth. Naturally, this can lead to a kind of physical fatigue and even minor injuries (e.g. frequent lip biting). It’s also common for stutterers to exhibit ticks or other accompanying behaviours.

How to support someone with a stutter

If you know a stutterer, here are some simple things you can (probably) do to support them:

• Don’t interrupt or finish their sentences
• Offer alternatives to audio calls wherever possible
• Be patient and show them you’re still listening when they get stuck
• Understand that their needs and capacity to speak might vary day-to-day
• Don’t be afraid to ask what’s helpful for them or what they need

If you stutter and want support

You can look into specialist, intensive programmes like The McGuire Programme run by ex-stutterers that teach you techniques to stutter less and manage it long-term.

If that doesn’t sound like your bag (I know it isn’t mine), there are other options:

Speech and language therapy (SLT)

You can get free SLT on the NHS, or check out local or private options. In my experience talking to other people with stammers, this isn’t for everybody, but it’s still worth looking at as an option.

Taking care of yourself

You can work to identify your triggers and learn to manage them in a way that works for you. For me, this means taking care of my mental and physical health, making sure I’m well-rested, and balancing social commitments that involve physically talking to people.

Finding community

There are places out there where people like us can meet each other, talk, take a big exhale and say “finally, someone else who understands”. STAMMA has information on meetup groups (online and local) and you can find communities of stutterers on places like Reddit and Discord.

More broadly, having people in your life who are patient and who don’t give you a hard time for stuttering can be absolutely life-changing. I know this is hard if you live with family, but try to make sure you have the right kinds of people around you. 

This, combined with a general improvement in my mental health, is the thing that lessened the severity of my stutter the most. Even my bad days are more tolerable now because the people around me are awesome about it, which takes a lot of the negativity out of stuttering.

Emotional support

It’s also important to make sure you’re emotionally supported because having a stutter can suck and it’s normal to feel down about it sometimes. Using supportive spaces like The Mix or looking into therapy can be a great start on that journey.

Know your value

What you have to say is worth listening to. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need to communicate in a way that works for you. If you’re talking to someone on the phone, it can be helpful to tell them you have a stutter at the start of the call so they’re more patient with you during the conversation. 

Read Seyi’s personal account of why people stutter and living with one here.