The Mix’s good sex guide

Being burgled has a big emotional cost too.

What’s the secret to great sex? Dirty talk, lots of lube and a saucy snap? Or honest communication and mutual respect. Maybe it’s all of these – plus the willingness to explore who you are, and what you like to do, alone or with others.

In our good sex guide, we’re delving under the sheets to discover the truth. You’ll find everything you need to know to boost your confidence and discover your preferences, so you can enjoy all the amazing sex you deserve.

Download our full Great Sex Guide here, or read on to learn more.

Good sex means getting to know what you like

Great sex is about exploring what you like, no matter how long that takes. Perhaps you identify as straight but your wandering eye tells you otherwise. Perhaps you identify as gay but it doesn’t feel as clear cut as that. The bottom line is, sexuality is fluid – give yourself the time and space to figure out what that means for you.

But getting to know yourself is not just about sexuality. It also means working out what you’re comfortable with or ready for and it might mean, quite literally, getting acquainted with your bits – how do you turn these things on?

Communication is essential for good sex

If there’s one thing you need to take away from this guide, it’s that communication means great sex. We’re not dealing with mind readers, so tell your partner what you like either using words or something a little more subtle.

Likewise, if there’s something you don’t like, don’t feel ready for, if sex is painful or it’s downright freaky in a bad way, let them know.

When trying something new, ask first

Want to try something new? Respect your partner by asking first. Sex is only fun when both parties are into it.

Confidence and overcoming cringey moments

Following on, being vocal during sex is also great for relieving and awkward moments. Perhaps you’re embarrassed because, oops, you did a fanny fart or you’re feeling inadequate because you came too soon. Don’t ignore these things, talk about them, giggle about them – doing so may even lead to feeling emotionally closer to your partner.

If it’s sexual confidence or body image that’s holding you back from enjoying sex, read our article on the link between sex and self esteem.

How to have good casual sex

Casual sex can often mean drunken, fumble-central sex ending with a dick-in-zipper moment, but it can also be really fun. Casual sex is a way to experiment and explore what you like and so long as there’s mutual respect between partners, it’s generally safe.

Staying safe when having casual sex

If you meet someone irresistible on a night out or it looks like your online date is heading towards a happy ending, there are ways to stay safe.

• Let a mate know where you are going
• Keep safe – use protection
• Consent – check in with your partner of the moment. Are they feeling the love vibes?
• Still not sure? Leave it for another night.

Protection and safer sex

It’s the stuff they taught you in school. We all know it but we don’t all practise it. Practice makes perfect, right? But if it’s great sex you’re after, get with the programme – genital warts aren’t sexy. End of. Tell you what else isn’t sexy – secretly removing condoms.

As we mentioned before, mutual respect between partners is key when it comes to great sex. Unless your potential co-parent gives you the go ahead, keep the damn thing on. If you haven’t had your STI test this year, or you have a new sexual partner, visit gettingsomegettested.co.uk to find your nearest clinic.

Of course there are contraceptive alternatives to condoms but they only deal with birth control. If it’s STIs you’re worried about, condoms and testing are king.

For other concerns about contraception, herpes, chlamydia, having a smear test, condoms, the morning after pill… the list is endless… just follow the links.

Sexting

We know how it is – you’re feeling horny, you’re feeling naked, you’ve had a wave of creativity and boom you’ve sent a saucy snap to your partner. Sexting can be fun, as can making sex videos and talking dirty over the phone. It’s a reliable way of getting off when you’re apart from each other and it might play into your sexual fantasies. In that case, great. But remember, not everyone’s into it – make sure your partner’s a fan of dick pics or tit pics before sending them willy nilly. Head here to learn more about sexting.

Of course the greatest worry when sending nudes is that they’ll end up in the wrong hands – this is always a risk, no matter how much you trust someone. If this happens to you, this is not your fault and there are things you can do to support yourself. If you’re the person thinking of sharing naked pictures without permission, it’s time for a lesson in sexual consent and the law.

Masturbation

Yes masturbation offers a helping hand during dreaded sex droughts, but really, it offers so much more. This is time to explore your sexuality and what you like, which in turn will improve your sex life with real people.

For people with vaginas, masturbation can be especially helpful when learning to orgasm – reaching climax is something porn would have us believe is an inevitable part of sex, but in reality it can take a bit of practice.

Porn

Porn is kind of inescapable these days and whether you watch it is up to you. In terms of having great sex, you may find it helps you to explore your sexuality, or perhaps by watching it together with your partner it may enhance your sex life. The problems with porn start when people have unreasonable expectations of partners because of what they’ve watched online. The key is to remember, porn is not real.

Respect your partner, don’t expect them to look and act the way porn stars do and always ask before trying something left field you’ve seen online.

Getting experimental

If you’re of the experimental breed, right on! Some people find the anonymity of single life ideal for experimenting – whether that’s having a threesome, trying out BDSM for beginners or testing out a new sex toy.

But long-term relationships are often a good opportunity to experiment in a safe way – provided you’re both into it. Anything too ‘out there’ that you’re not feeling, tell them to reign it in. And remember, experimenting doesn’t having to mean latex wearing, whip wielding sex, it can also mena experimenting with our senses – read on for some sensual sex tips.

Got some thoughts about our good sex guide you’d like to share? Let us know on our Discussion Boards.